On Being Anal

During one of the clinics the consultant came up looking extremely grumpy and announced to the entire room that he was in a very foul mood because he was on call and was rudely woken up at 3am to operate on this boy who had some AA batteries stuck up his urethra (pee hole, to put it bluntly).

When questioned as to how this came to be, the boy merely replied that the AA batteries were lying on the floor, he tripped and fell and the batteries somehow managed to lodge themselves in his penis in the process.

I am told that this is a very common occurrence.

Today's news for example. Clickity click.

A vicar claims a potato got stuck up his bottom after he fell on to the vegetable while hanging curtains in the nude.

Notice the trend here?

This is a very gross generalisation, but if you are ever in A & E and someone presents with a random object stuck up an orifice, the history almost always goes along these lines:

"I was [insert random daily activity here], in the nude, as you do, when I tripped and fell onto [insert suspiciously phallic object here]."

Someone should really audit how much it is costing the NHS to treat people who have the tendency to fall onto random objects which then get stuck in their many orifices.

Although apparently, the American Journal of Proctology makes for an interesting read on what foreign bodies have been removed from the rectum.

The moral of the story here is to never do anything naked lest you get something lodged somewhere you don't want it to be.

I think.